Kevin Oskow

Amazon.com went down today. I have proof. Well, I know this doesn’t count as real proof, cause as you all know, my sick photoshop skills could have made this… but it is true. 10:30 Pacific time , June 6th 2008.

This shit is hot!  I can’t believe it - I mean, next time my boss give me crap about a 5 minute hick-up I am going to refer him to this blog.  Clearly this happens to everyone, even the big boys.

How is this going to affect your Alexa rating?  Do you even care?  Probably not, cause 30 minutes later, your shit is still down. 

You all must be sweating bullets.  HAHAHA - ok, that isn’t nice.  Good luck.  Hope you all still have a job tomorrow.

I am proud to say that living in California has it’s comic relief while we get no gas price relief. I am not going to complain about thte $4.75 9/10 gas prices, because by the time I do gas will likely be twice that.

Instead, here is a list of some crazy ass laws in crazy ass California!

• A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits. (Where is Jack Bauer when I need him?)

• Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. (How do you fine a couple of horny mice?)

• Car wash attendants in San Francisco, California may not use old pairs of underware to wash or dry vehicles. (I agree with this one)

• In 1838, the city of Los Angeles passed an ordinance requiring that a man obtain a license before serenading a woman. (Sorry baby, it isn’t that I don’t love you, it’s jut that you aren’t worth going to jail for)

• In California you may not set a mouse trap without a hunting license. (That is strange, isn’t it? - Walmart sells mouse traps but no mouse hunting licenses. They really must be in league with the Devil to get away with this stuff!)

• It is illegal to eat an orange in your bath tub (Who comes up with this shit?)

• Palm Springs: It is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of four and six PM. (I am sure this will change as gas prices continue to rise. - Crap - I said I wasn’t going to keep bitching…)

• Riverside: One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o’clock. (And they were afraid about Walmart putting ma and pa shops out of business. Hey, this makes me think - is that the law that is keeping us from having a “siesta” time in the US - Stuff neck politicians are worried that people will walk around with bag lunches to the park instead of taking a nap - then all the cops would be busy catching the food walking people instead of the really bad guys - you know the ones I am talking about - The ones eating an orange with a rubber ducky.)

Well, you gotta love the stupid laws of each state!  I don’t think you can carry a chicken over your head across the Minnesota/Wisconsin state line… I wonder if that turns into a whole new “Why did the chicken…” joke.

Big ups players!  See you in the bathtub.

I guess the US won’t let me import this from Australia. Something about their diet. This decision makes me sad. The Horny Toad (aka Thorny Devil) is the only lizard of it genus, which I would guess is a lonely way to live. Talk about the sound of inevitability. Anyways, I think the US should let me have one. I think they should also give me the proper cage to make it impossible for the ants (300-600 a day, one at a time, 45 per minute) to ever get out.

Take a look at this guy, he is super sick!

I think I should move to Australia.

DBAMTSCWDYJITH - the movie is straight up out of control. I mean, this shit is off the hook, no trippin. I mean, it is so funny on so many different levels. I would like to go into it, but I won’t, so you can read reviews other places. If you haven’t seen it yet, I would suggest netflixing it.

Well, that was South Central - Now let’s talk about SoCal! This place is out of control too. Sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by the happiest people on earth. Tonight, for instance… I went to this SEO/Web Design MeetUp, cause I am you know, all dorky like that. So, check this out - There were come cool peeps there. Well, maybe not like Varsity Football cool, but you know - Anyways - I found some of the people there looking for and offering information, others were offering their services, everyone there was interested in ill shit! Mad dangerous, crazy, straight up for hip hop sickness! What was really great was how just going one time I think I met some people I could talk to about business ideas and best practices for SEO and Dev/Design.

So - how can you take your meetup group to new levels?  How can a bunch of people whole love sitting in front of the computer unite to “paint the city red?”  Maybe it all starts at the fish taco place, everyone gets all jacked up on coke-a-cola, grabs some “Change America” style posters then runs around putting posters above highways that say “Ron Paul Revolution” in binary.  In case you care:

01010010 01101111 01101110 00100000 01010000 01100001 01110101 01101100 00100000 01010010 01100101 01110110 01101111 01101100 01110101 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110

Or, if they wanted to hex it out:

52 6f 6e 20 50 61 75 6c 20 52 65 76 6f 6c 75 74 69 6f 6e

Anyways - it was a blast, maybe next time we can drop rhymes base64 style.

All day long I think about 2 things.

1) Money

2) Happiness

Money is an easy topic. I will even tell you how to get lots of it. First, make a site, then write blogs on it and shoot off some articles through Digg and other social bookmarking style sites. Then, when you have some good traffic, get a nice affiliate program, like www.ad-importer.com. Then sit back and take 50% of the revenue from the clicks on their network of search engines. You could also try competing in the porn site industry, but there is a ton of competition there, and you really need to invest in advertising to get traffic.

You can also go to college, get a degree, work your way up, and in time… Mad Dollars!

Happiness, well that is another matter. The greatest minds throughout time have been working on this one. I myself, though not one of the greatest minds by far, have been searching as well. I ask people all the time (if they seem happy) what the key or secret is. I usually get an answer related to love or g-d or enjoying what you do, but I wasn’t expecting the personification of happiness to be sent to me in a spammy email. Well, it was. I was so taken aback by it that I decided to take a look on the internet for more footage of happiness incarnate. I found it on youtube, and apparently so had many others. So much so, that people even took the time to make a video about the manifestation of this elusive epitome of euphoria. If you thought you were happy, not only were you way off base, but, um, well, that is all I have. You were wrong.

And now, I present to you, in all of its grandeur and glory -

Happiness Personified.